Thursday, November 3, 2011

Sporticus and the story of the great avenger!

So I sprained my ankle walking in flats this morning, (shows how rarely I walk in flats) so while I'm waiting for the swelling to come down so I can ya know, do stuff with my day (like find my ankle brace and then get groceries and um, clean stuff) I'm going to tell you a story...

With PICTURES... and MATH!!!


I told you there was math!!

So this morning I found out that Mr. Tall Dark and Brooding (Aka Wonder-Boyfriend) doesn't know what a spork is. Clearly this must be remedied. This came up when I suggested murdering someone by spork, but I'm getting ahead of myself, I'll get to the homicide portion of this post, but first some back story so it might make some sense.

So Mr. TDB's driving me home this morning  and we're talking about plans for the day and who we'd like to murder and how (this was pre-coffee conversation at it's finest) and just generally being goofy and trying to manage stress with humor which we're both good at, and I mention that my plans for the day may or may not involve chasing Mr. Ex-Boyfriend (who'd spent the previous night harassing me via phone) down and "sporking" him to death. At which point I get the raised eyebrows and "what's a spork" from Mr. TDB. So I tell him he's sorrowfully culturally deprived if he doesn't know what a spork is.
Wikipedia article on sporks which says "A spork or a foon is a hybrid form of cutlery taking the form of a spoon-like shallow scoop with three or four fork tines."

Behold the awesomeness that is spork technology at it's finest.

So now you all know what a spork is as well :)

But If I were to stab or bludgeon someone to death with a spork (which would require homicidal tendencies and psychosis I'm not even remotely capable of) it couldn't be just any spork. It would have to be a magical pixie, rainbow-tastic, glitter covered enchanted spork of awesome! Like one of these:

only better!

It would have to be the almighty spork of the infamous Ani-Uncensored, that rights all wrongs in the universe with it's seemingly benign looking metallic pixie glitter covered gaudy sporkiness. It would be the ONE TRUE SPORK OF LOVE AND JUSTICE.

And it would be awesome!!

So as the end of this story goes, I am not going to spork anyone to death (today) but I am likely not opposed to getting out the glitter glue and some sporks and creating spork wind chimes, or perhaps, some strange form of installation art, or writing a story about an imaginary character named "Sporkticus" (the magical spork of love and justice) complete with crappy illustrations by yours truly in an attempt to get my mind off of the raving lunatic that is my "ex-boyfriend".

How about you guys, any plans for the day? Bonus points if they involve creative uses for cutlery!

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm where to take this, cute story. Sporks are kind of the Platypus of the dining room. No one can really fit them into a category that works.

    Oh and by the way feel free to Spork me anytime.